Got enough stuff to put up your butt? Treat your mouth instead with my favorite recipe.
Ingredients
Portioned for a single large serving.
- Fresh broad noodles (not egg-based)
- Meat (precooked or raw) (pork shoulder recommended)
- Broccoli or zucchini, bite-sized
- At least 4 cloves of garlic, sliced
- Sauce
- 1/2 cup homemade pork stock
- Mirin
- Dark soy sauce
- 3 teaspoons chili oil
The pork stock should be thick and flavorful, ideally made by using bone. If it’s gelatinous from the fridge, it’s perfect.
Any kind of soy sauce or tamari sauce is suitable, but a flavorful dark soy sauce is recommended. About a tablespoon should suffice, but it will depend on how salty it is. A tablespoon of mirin should do, depending on how much sweetness you prefer.
Chili oil can have chili crisp included or can just be the oil, whatever your preference. I like Szechuan Flavor chili oil.
Havista brand Shanxi Planed noodles are my favorite shape and style, and they’re already bundled into single servings.
Directions
If using a fatty meat, (re)fry in a pan on high to render the fat, then set the meat aside on a warm plate. If using a lean meat, save the meat for last.
Prepare the sauce by mixing the stock, mirin, soy sauce, and chili oil. Set aside. If using a thin stock, you may wish to prepare a small amount of cornstarch slurry, but that is optional.
Sauté the garlic in the pan on medium heat, using rendered fat or your choice of fat. When the garlic is fragrant, add the sauce to the pan.
Boil the noodles for less than the recommended time, until they’re softened but not done, probably around 3 minutes. After the sauce is added to the garlic pan, use tongs to transfer the noodles to the garlic pan. If there is not enough liquid in the pan, add some pasta water.
If cooking broccoli, add the broccoli to the pasta water and let simmer for 1 minute.
Mix up the noodles and sauce, then let simmer on medium-low. Every 20-30 seconds, toss again to coat the noodles. Repeat until the liquid is reduced to a thick sauce that clings to the noodles. The heat will reduce the liquid while starch from the noodles will help thicken it.
Serve the noodles and top with broccoli and the reserved meat.
If (re)frying a lean meat or cooking zucchini, reserve some of the sauce and fry these up on medium-high in the same pan with the sauce, until seared and cooked through, then serve on top of the noodles.
Add a small pinch of salt at the end, especially to the broccoli.
Top with light or crispy toppings if desired, such as spring onions or diced bacon.
Important Note
Do not touch your dick after working with chili oil.
You have been warned.