Wandering Bard’s Astarion dildo is a great way to fill the fantasy of having a roguish vampire lover with its fun curve, nicely shaped head, and myriad customization options. It fits my tastes and play styles well, and I’m a fan of the design both visually and in use.
Design & Specs
Wandering Bard crafts Dungeons & Dragons-inspired silicone sex toys for daring adventurers. With a wide lineup including mind flayers, mimics, minotaurs, and more, they’ve got plenty of friends and foes to choose from. I’ve previously reviewed their Basilisk dildo.
Astarion the Vampire Rogue launched as part of Wandering Bard’s four-member party lineup alongside their Dwarven Barbarian, Elven Sorcerer, and Human Bard, all of which were designed and sculpted by Monster Smash/Nix. The name is a direct reference to Astarion from the video game Baldur’s Gate 3: An elven vampire who can be recruited and romanced by the player, or played by the player themselves. Admittedly, I don’t have the same thirst for Astarion as much of the fandom (Wyll is the one who captured my heart), but when it comes to the dildo, that’s another matter. The sideways curve on a dildo I recently reviewed worked really well for me, so I had to give this one a shot.
With Wandering Bard being a well established fantasy shop and Nix being a skilled sculptor, I had no concerns about the Astarion dildo being just a marketing gimmick. These folks know what they’re doing.
The Astarion dildo is a semi-realistic human dildo with a shaft that curves to one side and with belted leather straps above and below a small set of balls. On the right side of the lower shaft is a pair of puncture marks like a vampire bite. Initially, I wasn’t that into the balls of the design—I prefer dildos to have balls that are more hefty or perky—but the curve called to me.
The toy has two finishes/surface textures: The skin is smooth matte, giving a fair amount of friction in use, while the belt details have a glossy finish, making them shinier. ShopDad—who makes 3D prints for multiple fantasy toy shops—produced the 3D prints for Astarion, using different techniques to get the dual finish result. (ShopDad is behind some really cool indie toy innovations in recent years, including the push to get high-clarity Near Clear silicone made, and developing technology to make packers, suction cups, and Vac-U-Lock bases more accessible for indie shops.)
In medium size, the shaft has about 6.4″ usable length and an average girth of just over 2″ diameter (6.5″ circumference). It’s a very comfortable size for me. To get the most benefit from a good curve, I find it best to choose a size that’s easily within, or on the lower end of my comfort zone, so that it has room to maneuver. Too much girth and the curve won’t have room to shine. In medium firmness 00-50, it’s moderately firm with some give.
I ordered mine made-to-order, so I selected my choice of size, firmness, and colors. I went for a sunrise color combo as a marbled fade: Enigma (purple-blue colorshift) at the base, Peach (pink-orange) in the middle, and Lux Gold at the tip. The result has gold throughout, which fits the vision perfectly, like sunlight bouncing off of scattered clouds. Enigma photographs as a deep blue because that’s the shade that shows under direct light, but the purple is visible in person out of direct light. It fits in with my other sunrise/sunset toys, like my Selkie and TERLUS.
Mine includes the “goblin lock” option, which adds a Vac-U-Lock hole to the base. This can be used with a sex machine, Vac-U-Lock handle, suction cup adapter, or harness adapter. I have a Silc Arts handle that I like a lot but have few toys to use with it, and thankfully, I found that the handle fits in the goblin lock hole just fine. Good news: In medium size, the goblin lock hole only extends up through the base, so even without the handle inserted, the shaft does not collapse and there are no problems using the toy as if it didn’t have the hole.
Astarion is also available with a plain flat base or a suction cup base.
Wandering Bard almost always offers the option to purchase their toys made-to-order with your choice of colors, so there’s enough Astarions (and tabaxis, and kobolds, and dryders…) to go around.
Medium size Astarion starts at $95. With goblin lock, 3 colors, and a specialty colorshift pigment, mine was $112. It came with an extra small Dire Wolf that I ordered at the same time (in colors Rose and Cosmic), a few stickers, a character card, a squishy 6-sided die, and a branded cotton bag for each toy.
In Use (Vaginal)
I may prefer texture, but dildos with well-designed shapes can work very well for me regardless of texture level. Astarion delivers with a shape that works great for my body.
The asymmetrical curve is different from most curves. I’m not exactly sure why it feels so different—maybe it’s the position of the head shape relative to the curve? Whatever it is, I like it just as much as any other curve, if not more. The head is really damn good at pressing against the spots I like and the underside of the curve is good enough to give the broad front wall stimulation I love when I turn it around.
The coronal ridge of the head rubs deliciously against my front wall, particularly around my G-spot. With its rounded shape, it lacks any harsh edges that would make it uncomfortable even in a harder firmness. It doesn’t smack the G-spot like I thought it might, so it’s more texture, less pressure. I get the best angle for this stimulation when riding. (Riding for G-spot stim seems to be a theme for me lately.)
I like riding Astarion way more than I thought I would: Once I find the perfect angle for G-spot stimulation, I just move my hips slightly to keep up the friction and use a vibrator or stroker at the same time. It’s tall enough that it doesn’t need any support under it for riding, but I get the best angle atop a towel folded twice (four fabric layers).
I can almost fit the full shaft, but I stop just above the belt texture, which rubs against my entrance. It’s not bad, but not impressive enough to chase the feeling of.
In medium firmness 00-50, the dildo is a firm presence inside of me. The matte finish and low texture give a good amount of stimulation and friction without feeling like a rock. As far as size and firmness go, this works out very well for me. I find that Wandering Bard’s medium firmness tends to feel slightly more firm than other shops’, but for a dildo as smooth as this, I probably wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t checking for the relative firmness.
I ordered my Astarion with a “goblin hole” (Vac-U-Lock port) for use with my Silc Arts handle. These holes can cause the shaft to slim down/collapse on some dildos without an insert, but that isn’t the case with my Astarion. I find that it works pretty well even without the handle; the silicone in medium firmness is pretty sturdy, especially in medium size. It’s easy to ride slowly without holding it down; ride hard if I hold it down with one hand; thrust at slow to moderate speed with the handle; or thrust at any speed even without the handle (the base is easy to hold).
Overall
Astarion from Wandering Bard has a great shape with a very nice head, and it’s available in an array of customization options to fit different tastes and needs. While I generally prefer more texture, the shape on this on is very effective and well done; I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. If you fantasize about your own vampire lover and you love a nice coronal ridge, you won’t go wrong with this dildo.
Wandering Bard Website
Astarion Model Page
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